Category: recovery

Symptoms they don’t talk about are a lot of times the minor ones that can go unnoticed or even ones that don’t appear to be a symptom at all. There is the nail biting, the foot tapping, or maybe even head scratching, but those are just habits not symptoms of anything. Well with such habits being that minor it can be difficult to even recognize your own symptoms or even recognize  the onset of an anxiety attack.

In all of my years dealing with mental illness it was a friend who lives nearly 10,000 miles away to help me recognize my actions as symptoms and that I was having an attack. I wasn’t hyperventilating, or sweating excessively, or nauseated. No, I was up in my mothers apartment at 3 in the morning cooking and cleaning. I don’t mean just your standard tidying up. I was full on sweeping, moping, and scrubbing. I was making food as if preparing for a dinner party. By the time my attack was over I had managed to make tacos, chicken, deviled eggs and apple sauce from scratch. As I reflect on this incident I can feel the budding tension in my chest rise. (So apparently just thinking about attacks brings on attacks too noted. )

So this observation that had been pointed out made me pause and think, this can’t be a panic attack. I just cant sleep so might as well get some tasks done, that will tire me out. Then once I’m tired I’ll have to pass out. But that’s just it. I am so restless that I have decided to do these tasks to force my body and mind to shut down. In a way this is just my mind and body’s way of distracting me and avoiding the real issue of what has me up. In all my distractions I was not able to even fathom there was a problem till it was brought to my attention. Sometimes it takes a person from the outside to put your actions into perspective so you can clearly see the problems you’re not ready to face because you’re up at 3 in the morning preparing for a dinner party.  It’s also pretty eye opening on how the mind or body will come up with actions to cope or protect itself or cry for help. I can see why you wouldn’t talk about a symptom if you don’t even know there is one.