Category: Uncategorized

September is Suicide Awareness Month

Approximately 800,000 people die from suicide every year. Speaking more openly about suicide is vital to decreasing this number. The month is a time to reflect and think about how suicide/suicide thoughts affects people, families and communities.

Factsheets

https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts/

https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/WHO-MSD-UCN-MHE-22.03

The winter season is always a joyous time, holiday parties, good food, and quality time with your loved ones. Though dubbed “the most wonderful time of the year, the winter season can just as equally bring, sadness and stress.

There is added stress from getting presents ,planning parties, and maybe making sure you don’t break the bank. Even the cold and less daylight can bring one of these two disorders.

S.A.D. or Seasonal Affective Disorder is a common form of depression the happens with the change in seasons.

G.A.D. or General Anxiety Disorder though more common the winter season and added stress can definitely be a trigger for those who suffer from anxiety already or others feeling overwhelmed.

If you are one of the many foreign expats who find yourself barred from returning to China due to the outbreak then I am certain that besides you probably feeling frustrated and levels of uncertainty you may also be anxious and disappointed. The ban is nearing the two-month mark and there is no confirmed report on when it will be lifted. Being someone who is always constantly anxious my current life predicament is not helping by any means. I am still fortunate to continue my job as a teacher through the online medium. I am very lucky since my school is one which has made preparations for the students to return, albeit with some restrictions. Since many functions of the school have resumed and I am also not present there is the feeling in the back of my mind that my employment will cease at any time. (cue anxious feelings).

Now unfortunately there isn’t much to be done in regards to what the Chinese government will decide to do in regards to its borders. It could be a fast or slow process and one never really knows what the government will decide when it decides. I am fully aware of this but again (cue my anxiety). Hopefully, your not as strung out as I am aside from this there are some things we can do to keep ourselves busy and from going insane with worry.

Online Work/Teaching

Now everyone may not be as fortunate as I am to be able to continue my job online. Some schools in China have resumed sending their students back to school so this may not be feasible for some.  I myself know several teachers who have lost their jobs due to being locked out and not being able to return to their school or place of employment. With the current climate and many students still not being able to return school yet teaching online can still be an option. This virus has also taught us that many jobs can be performed online. There is the option of doing other online work.

Stay connected

I routinely try to stay connected (and low key stalk) my friends overseas as well as my WeChat groups/communities. This is in part of hoping to get any gleam of new information of any changes in regards to the border situation, but also to still feel apart of a community that I have and surely you have probably grown very attached to. Its also nice to see how my friends are handling the pandemic overseas and seeing how life is functioning through the pandemic with implementing new guidelines and new practices, which will definitely carry on in the future. It’s a bit of a snippet of what will most likely be the new normal.

Have a Plan B

It is important to keep in mind that this could go on for an extended period. You may have had to give up your job and apartment and that once valid visa may expire. Though we may have an intent to return to our lives that has been disrupted that may not be feasible for some time. It will be good to figure out a plan of action in the meantime. Weigh all your options, try to look at this as a chance to reflect on your overall plans and goals for your future. Of course, this is easier said than done. Try to reflect and redirect can be difficult but it can also be an opportunity for clarity and personal growth.

As an optimist, I hope for the return of some normalcy to our former way of life foreign expat or not. This virus has added stress and uncertainty, and though we become a bit more knowledgeable about the virus more questions and problems are raised. Mass unemployment, economies shrinking. How do we begin to move forward with everyday life while trying to be conscious of public health and safety? Though these times are trying and challenging. I hope that this situation is taken as a learning opportunity around the world for a better future.

How many of you are morning people and how many of us are not?…… in some instances I’m sure we have all those day where your hand instinctively finds the snooze button or we are just loozing at time go by counting down how long we can stay in bed with still enough time to get ready for the day.Well this particular morning my body was willing and ready to depart for the day’s agenda, but the mind, in refrence to mine, was not so ready to proceed forward. I felt my body remobing itself from my bed and extend my hand towards the door but then I paused, not quite sure why I was not ready to walk out my room door. Without even thinking I went to my music, my handy assesory always near me ready and willing to calm and ease my mind. Putting in my ear buds and turning the volume as loud as it would go hoping to block and drown out any ills that would be waiting for an opportunity to penetrate my defenses. Well on this day I have to concede that somewhere their was a flaw in my defense because something had broken through. It obviously was very powerful and as I paced back and forth around my room I began to feel to the salty liquid stream from my eyes down my cheeks. It became so intense that I had to sit back down and before I knew it I was back in bed. 

What on earth had happened? Why was I feeling this way very odd and what was I thinking about. As I began to delve depper into my thoughts I saw myself ,or maybe just a figure who represeneed me, be the only thing I could see…well feel was loss….

What had I or” she” loss was it people, things, emotions. How did we feel about this were we happy, sad, confused? Would we be ok? All these questions and I had no answers. Almost like walking through a dark forest and not knowing where to go because well we were…..

Lost.

But it didn’t stay that way the river from my eyes slowly but surely began to dry up as it finished running it’s course. I was able to see a little more clearly that despite this happening it was going to be okay she as well as I were going to be fine. Because sometimes we got lost or lose things or lose people for something that cause for people or things to not be seen, it has a way of finding us and knocking us down. Fortunately by the end of my interaction with loss (it now being nearly an hour later I was able to finally get up and walk out of my bedroom door and start the day. And yes it is still a bit baffling to know where you are going to all of a sudden stopping and not realizing what to do next. I do know that acceptance and recognition of my plight as they come brings me one step closer to getting tho where I need to be. 

https://www.etsy.com/people/mygreenribbon1?ref=hdr_user_menu

Check out @ThoughtfulChimp’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/ThoughtfulChimp/status/823319566122184707?s=09

Check out this item in my Etsy shop https://www.etsy.com/listing/493574962/green-hair-bow-princess-palette-colors

Adios,ciao,sayanara,good day,and good bye!

Now you say “that’s a  little harsh…..Maybe but hey that’s how I feel and I’m sure their are plenty who would agree.2016 pretty much sucked and folks are pretty glad she is no more. 

I too can voice some minor grievences, getting my tires slashed (not four just three yay ) working in a toxic environment, losing my job, completing another year of the single life and still lacking clear direction in my life I say things in 2016 wasn’t so bad.Uhhh yeah…….good times.I will say I was able to finally start this blog who knows when that would have happen had I not lost my job. I guess at the end of it all even I have to say that despite all the b.s. which has gone down the past year that there is still some part of me that actually wants to continue on into the unknown of 2017. Looking back thats one of the constant occurrences of depression the up and down. Let’s just hope that 2017 is the part of the roller-coaster that will be climbing up. 

Were are slowly rolling past the holidays and ad much as I love this time of the year which is filled with good food,family and friends it seems I wish for them to roll along a bit faster. Now of course this is very much not me especially this time of year.I also must concluded that this is contributed due to my green satin condition, not only have I lost holiday spirit but the happiness spirit and as of now I’m desperately trying to hold on to my contentment spirit.

If I had the option for my own “Christmas carol” I probably wait up for the spirits with tea and cookies instead of shooing them away,but I am left to deal with myself and my own devices.And to an extent it’s expected given the whole winter months thing and lack of sunlight. I am just in one of those moods where I want to enjoy all that’s around me so bad and just can’t seem too. And God knows I do what I can to pull myself out had some good food did a little after Christmas retail therapy, I’m afraid only temporary fixes.It seems that sometimes the best solution to my problem is just simple patience….

Darn why does it have to be a virtue.It really starting to suck.Oh well guess good things come to those who wait. For any out there reading any suggestions on the waiting to I’m all eyes.

Well I finally come to the final piece of my law attracting journey, and out of the three separate experiences I feel this situation, which has had the most impact on me, seems to be the least amount of what needs to be said or least amount of what I have to say.

Well………regardless here I go.

So after submitting my request to be transferred because their was no way I felt confident enough to do another year possibly with my “favorite lead/co-teacher” and generally I wasn’t to keen on how things were being run, later we learned that unexpectedly  the Center director was being transferred to another site. I think back I think maybe I should have stayed since we would be getting another director, maybe things would be better now,  but how could I know at the time. Anyway I had received my transfer to a near by center not to far. After meeting the staff everyone seemed generally nice and welcoming. With this change came another major change in the form of a new center director. Now she had been with the agency for some years prior as a fellow teacher as well as been a center director at another school, but now she was back  to take on a new challenge of being the director for the coming school year. So yeah the job wasn’t exactly brand new to here but definitely would be a change and possibly have some challenges. As for me and my fellow co-workers we were quite unsure of how things would be with a different person in charge.

Even before the school year began prior to this I had already felt a pull to move on to something else. The motivation and excitement of the job was being slowly drained from me and this isn’t an uncommon system for teachers whom have begin to settle in, in a stressful or tense environment. Nonetheless I told myself maybe I will stick it out for another year, but before the next school year hits I will need to say my goodbyes. With that declared I began  to simply just buckle down and push through it. Initially things seem to move along steadily nothing too major, just a new combination of staff feeling each other out and getting to know each others work style. Some of the other teachers and I did have some minor concerns with some of the decisions which were affecting us, we were being delayed in recieving our classroom assignments, this made it very difficult to set up brand new classrooms which would function best for the teacher. We also shard some concerns that our new director had a very defensive personality which did not always make her the most agreeable.Despite the daily tension we felt we pushed on. 

After a couple months, then ce the morning which set in the countdown to my final moments as teacher.This particular morning we were very short staff on top of this it seems the kids just keep pouring in which would push us to be over capacity and over state regulated teacher to child ratio.With this another teacher decides to split the groups into another classroom.A while later our director finally shows up unfortunately she is not happy about the pressent situation we were in. Words were exchanged between the teacher and director as well as anamosity as far as I could see. A little while later I contact our superior(manager) expressing my concern and the fact that I was uncomfortable speaking with my director, in hindsight this apparently was a grave mistake. Our superior talks with all parties and apprently the situation is cleared up, with our director in a later staff meetind directing that please feel free to talk to her at anytime, or if not talk with the manager.After this I was under the impression that there is nothing elserious to worry about, well I was wrong.

For the next few weeks I was given the courtesy of experiencing every nag, complaint and reprimand for every single action I preformed in. I was either to early or late, not communicating at all or not the right way, not informing her of things when I was or not being prepared enough with the parents when told to do things together. I apparently could do absolutely nothing right.

Well I had apparently thought about moving on and I was finally going to be getting my wish, a little earlier than expected it would seem.Translation I was fired not to long after that. It wasn’t very surprising it was obvious I was not in my boss’s fan club and I was sure I was ready to leave soon I guess the universe decide to pull me in that direction a bit Donner than I expected. But hey that’s life or the law I should say you ….life puts out what you put in. I some how manage to attract negative things about myself in the form of others insecurity, lack of motivation and probably a horde of other things even though I see it as a learning experience when life is givin you a hard time she has her moments where she unexpectedly push’s you where you need to be.

Hello again I’m back and sorry for the delay, well know let me just jump right in eyes closed I to the next phase of my journey of attraction. And I say jumping in eyes closed because that is exactly what the environment was like when I was transferred to my new site. If this site was shooting to be the all star champs of best most organised,productive and efficient center they were doing a wonderful job modeling on everything you SHOULD NOT DO. Now granted I did not claim to have all the answers and nor was I in a position to really shed light on the various problems plaguing the center, but it was very easy to see that there was some major changes needed.

Well not that we have set up the climate of the environment lets get to the craziness of my oh so moody, bipolorish ,”what the hell is wrong with her now” lead teacher.

Well let’s get started I was transferred to a new center to take up a new position. Now grant it I miss my old site but I am excited for new opportunities. Upon arrival I am placed in one of three classrooms with another new teacher who had only been there a few months. Now this seems fine even though I was under the impression that I was going into a recently opened classroom. Aside from this it seems that the classroom I was supposed to be in was being ran solely by two teacher’s assistants. Again this is somewhat weird, but probably not as weird as having the two most experienced teachers in this part of the center in the same room. This whole arrangement goes on for a couple months, till I  finally moved to my rightful room, though what I was not expecting is for the lead teacher in our department to be following me, now was it at the suggesting of the director or was it what she told me she wanted in order to help the new teacher, who knows not surprisingly the truth is irrelevant here just as it will be in the rest of this story. As I tell you for the next 8 months was filled with me constantly having a “wtf” face. No one was on a routine schedule for breaks or lunches, the classroom functioned on a shakey routine and when I dare to to voice and create a said schedule and guidelines for more order I was thoroughly ignored. When voicing that some of the teachers getting to set their own schedule and other teachers being like ft with what was left I simply received a shrug of uncertainty. Well after many failed attempts I simply just refused to voice anything anymore what was the point.So that’s what I did, of course this did not really make things any better but what can you do.My situation became worse when I find my self doing majority of the classroom paperwork, lesson plans, observations,follow ups, and with so little work she did it always baffled me as to why she was never able to finish a lesson plan on time. Now if their was anything that she managed to be good at was apparently the use of imagination. That is about the only conclusion I could dramas to why she seemed to be so oblivious or blind to this unequal distribution of work.

With all of this I felt very powerless to say anything did I believe I would be heared. I mean this was the lead teacher who been here nearly a decade and me just a few months. In addition to all of this somehow she manage to exploit every minor infraction I committed now of course I never brought up her shortcomings because foolishly I hate to throw someone under the bus or be a tattler.I often had to ask myself was this necessary to make me look bad,make her look better especially given she was very much lacking in some areas of the job.

Fortunately i was able to make it through the year battered but not beaten. And I can say that I have taken some hard lessons with me.Looking back I have hard to learn to not try to take things personally and that another’s actions don’t have much reflection on me but themselves.I also have had to learn and work to believe that I do have a right to stand up for myself and that I deserve to be treated respectfully and kindly.Unfortunately yet again my attractiveness does not  have here but will be surely coming to a close.

Remember always drink responsibly.

#mygreenribbon, #depression , #working, #lawofattraction

-Let’s take it slow and go with the flow.

Now when it comes to The Law of Attraction  I never gave much thought about it outside of being nice and considerate to others in hopes of receiving that in return. “The Golden rule of treat others how you want to be treat.” Alright, got it, good.

After some reflecting I realize that I functioned on this same principle without truly realizing it at my last place of employment.Unfortunately for me I was not operating on a very positive quality.

That being the oh so tiny monkey on my back……

Insecurity.

Insecurity . ……..the old foundation rocking, core shattering, if doubt was a dagger I would be dead.

Yes I hate to admit but for some reason my insecurities seems to attract  the insecurities of others. Now I find this a bit strange and somewhat unfathomable, but I seem to find no other explanation for thesending 3 particular  situations I have encountered this past year.Starting with predicament 0ne. 

My last job I worked as a preschool teacher yeah I know yikes…….right,no I promise you it has its rewards and at the end of it all the children are precious. Often what comes with this job is the occasional troublesome child.For the first few weeks of school me and the other teachers work with him, continously have meetings with the parents,directors, and specialist, and even went as far as putting me as his personal shadow  to curb any potential conflicts. Despite all of this I still found some place in my heart in feeling attachment for this child and his heartfelt smile. One day I observe my boss bring over another teacher to interact with him I found this strange so I asked very curiously did this mean he would be transferring out of my class, which eventually he was.I was disappointed with this, but if it helped him I was all for it. Here’s were the problem occurred, later my boss informs me that this question upset her and she felt that I was happy or relieved he was going to be another teachers problem.Of course this completely throws me because I felt nothing but the opposite, but aside from this I discovered after some reflecting there was most likely a deeper issue in that asking this question my boss felt disrespected and felt her decisions were being questioned. Of course this was never brought to my attention and maybe im making this more than what it was (hey it’s kinda what i do) therefore I eventually let it go and I presumed she did as well fortunate for us our working relationship did not seem to take on any significant damage which in hindsight I am very grateful for. Unfortunately this story does not end, and neither does the attraction of insecurities in fact they follow me to a new position,new site and new coworkers.

-Let’s hope to get what the universe offers . 

Check out @mygreenribbon’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/mygreenribbon/status/804227151075495936?s=09